You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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