rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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