tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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