And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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