so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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