the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
