I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
