: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
