i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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