found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
