Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
