oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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