I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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