oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
