I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
