Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
