Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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