we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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