I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
