Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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