I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
