he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
