last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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