Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize