and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
