You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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