New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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