fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
