So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
