I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
