I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
