don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
