After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Randomize
