Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
