I think i peed on brittanys purse
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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