he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
birth control should be required to get into college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
