Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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