as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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