You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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