Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
soo... how was my night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize