I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
