be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're a waste of cheezeits
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
