Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
