Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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