the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
