There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize