i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
