there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
