I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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