Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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