come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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