why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
