i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
