i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
