Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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