Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
