There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
