Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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