So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
