there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
