how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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