Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
