I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You made out with two different species that night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
