What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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