I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
