Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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