Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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