the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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