I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
