I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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