Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
