rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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